McMemory Loss

Paking shet! Alzheimer’s na nga itoh! I cannot remember where my volumes 3-5 of “A Series Of Unfortunate Events” are! Did I lend them to my younger sister? She says they’re not with her. I’ve also asked Leigh; nada also.

Argh! This is infuriating!

Hair’s My Newly-Trimmed Coif

I love it whenever Ipe (muchas gracias, Ipe!) does my hair. I’ve finally found the right formula: cut it quite short (but not too much so that I can still play around with it), then let it grow for about a month. By that time my hair will reach maximum fabulousness—grow it any longer and it becomes bad hair week.

Oh yeah, an officemate celebrated her birthday today. She’s the “I see dead people” officemate. I asked her if any of her “friends” have greeted her already; she said none of them did. It would be weird to have dead people greeting you on your day of birth.

Let’s Go Local

I’m in love with two OPM songs these days. This hasn’t happened for quite some time now. Before this, the only local songs I listened to were by the Eraserheads and just some by True Faith. Nowadays I’m flipping over Hari Ng Sablay by Sugarfree and You’ll Be Safe Here (Theme from the TV series “Spirits”) by Rivermaya.

The first one is reminiscent of The Police’s “King Of Pain” although Sugarfree’s song isn’t as angst-ridden as Sting’s ode to torment. In fact, it’s quite a fun song. Anyone who takes it seriously and makes it his angsthem is a desperate drama queen-wannabe.

The second song I’ve know for quite some time now because it’s the theme song of this local TV series, Chito Roño’s “Spirits” (currently airing after the early evening news). The series is well-made, but the numerous subplots and complex story structure have become too demanding for ordinary soap viewers; the ratings are decent but not spectacular, considering they spend a lot of time, money and thought into the series. Too bad. But the song is currently number one in the MYX countdown, and I hear it played from high-end FM stations like 93.1 K-Lite and 89.9 TM to the more jolog-jologan stations na “kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?” at mga “for life!” Talk about a cross-over hit! Feeling ko it can reach the level of popularity that Kitchie Nadal’s “‘Wag Na ‘Wag Mong Sasabihin.”

Thank god natapos na ang acoustic-accoustic-an phase!

Cunning Linggo

Wow. For the first time in a looong time, I spent the whole day Sunday at home.

Okay, to be strict about it, I spent the first five and a half hours of Sunday in Bed, dancing on the ledge for more than two hours. The guy dancing next to me was grinding his butt on my crotch; I decided to put my hands inside his polo shirt and tweak his nipples. Tits for twat. But we only went that far. After I stepped down, I didn’t see him anymore that night. (Come to think of it, I don’t quite remember his face. He was very tall, so I didn’t look up too often to memorize his features. Also he had his back to me most of the time, a-hihihi!)

Sunday is usually the time I go and watch a movie and/or go to the bath house if I’m feeling horny. (When I was younger I’d go watch a movie if I was feeling horny. Not anymore. Cruising in the movie house for me is sooo yesterday.) But Saturday night before going to Bed I was in bed at the bath house with two other guys. Yep, threesome ito, mga pare! And I got to fulfill one of my fantasies: me humping a guy while sucking another. Okay naman sha. May bolitas pa yung guy na I was sucking. Iba rin pala sumubo ng may ball-bearings.

So you can imagine by Sunday I was feeling contented and strangely pious. NOOO, I didn’t go to mass—baka pasukin na naman ng mangnanakaw ang kotse ko, noh! I just felt like my body didn’t need to do anything sexual. So I spent the day with the family watching the extensive documentary “Star Wars: Empire of Dreams” on the bonus disc of the Star Wars Trilogy on DVD. Then before dinner we watched Close Encounters Of The Third Kind because according to my mom, “Nakalimutan ko na ang umpisa ng pelikula.” Ah, okey. “Hindi ba si Drew Barrymore nasa pelikulang ito?” Wow, Mommy! You know Drew Barrymore! But no, you don’t know your Spielberg filmography; E.T. po yon.

By evening I was trawling the TV, looking for something nice to watch. There was this Korean soap opera on the Arirang Channel which was interesting only because the Korean guy was cute. There was also another Korean soap opera in another Korean cable channel that had not just one but two cute male leads! All these cute singkit men! Haaay!

By 11:30pm I was asleep.

Anne-no Ba ‘To?!

Alright, enough of those tests! Obvious ba na wala akong episode na ma-post? Super-busy kasi kami leading up to the weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Heniweyz, this morning I came to a sudden realization while at the gym. I was trying to remember the lyrics of Anne Murray’s song, “You Needed Me.” The first verse goes:
I cried a tear,
You wiped it dry.
I was confused,
You cleared my mind.
I sold my soul,
You bought it back to me,
And held me up and gave me dignity;
Somehow you needed me.

That’s when I realized: Hoy! Siya na nga yung iyakin, confused, at walang kaluluwa, at siya pa ang may kapal-muks na sabihin, “Kailangan mo ako.” Hellooooow?!

Earth calling Anne Murray, o kung sino man ang songwriter ng “You Needed Me”— Ang kapal ng mukha moh!

Wala lang.

My Personality Type

You Have A Type B Personality

B You're as laid back as they come... Your baseline mood is calm and level headed Creativity and philosophy tend to be your forte Like a natural sedative, you have a soothing effect on people Friends and family often turn to you first with their problems You have the personality to be a spiritual or psychological guru

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Soul Food To Go

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can. War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace. You are a good mediator and a true negotiator. Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy. While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental. You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take. On the flip side, you've got a great sense of humor and wit. You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Peace, man!

What 2004 Hit Song Are You?

Toxic by Britney Spears

"It's getting late To give you up I took a sip From my devil cup Slowly It's taking over me " Ah, what's a year without breaking a few hearts? Literally.

What 2004 Hit Song Are You?

Oh my god! I remember flipping out to this song last year.

I’m A Speyshal Child

Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence

You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks. You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent. An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer. Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best. You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

How Pisces Am I?

You are 73% Pisces

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

(Out of 45897 people the average score was 67%)

McVie Gives Head

“baka dapat hindi ka masyadong nag-iisip, mcvie. ang talino mo, eh!”
— comment by rjamesg from a previous episode

Ay naku my friend, if only it were that simple. :-)

Pero klaruhin ko lang muna: ayaw kong tawagin ang sarili ko na matalino. I just consider myself more exposed to a lot of stuff than most people.

But I will say this: I’m a thinking person more than a feeling person. Ayokong maging feeling, charing. Seriously, my mind runs on Energizer spiked with a mixture of Petron Blaze and rocket fuel. (Serious daw, o!) My mind is the first to kick in. I think I was built that way. I remember at a certain point in my life I made a conscious decision that I will use my head first. You should see me give head! Really, I prefer to attack things from a rational point of view. I keep a tight reign of my emotions. It doesn’t mean I’m detached from my emotions; I don’t let them control what I should think, decide, and do. I roll my eyes when I see people moan and groan about their emotional problems when, if they assess them dispassionately, the answer is staring at their faces. We are homo sapiens: the gay rational animal.

Still it came as a shock to me when an office acquaintance of mine described me as someone who doesn’t let anyone come close emotionally. It was shocking because that comment came out of the blue. Made me think: was I giving out that kind of vibe?

Yes, I’ve tried the “jump-without-thinking” before; it became more of a “jump-and-keep-assessing-every-step-of-the-way-down” kind of thing, you know? But yeah, I’ve done my fair share of falling mindlessly over certain guys before.

But it’s not really about emotions. I just don’t decide without thinking first, without assessing and weighing the pros and cons. I don’t “decide” to fall for someone, but I decide whether to go out with him or not. I don’t “decide” to have a crush on someone, but I decide whether to act on it or not.

There are those who are risk-takers, and then there are those who are deliberate. I don’t think I’m the type to dive headlong into something. I’m not the type who easily throws caution to the wind. It is a deliberate decision for me to act wild and carefree.

Having said that, I also noticed that I like to do particular spontaneous things: kaladkarin ako sa mga yayaan (“Dinner tayo sa Yellow Cab!” “Mag-Bed tayo!” “Let’s go to Antipolo!” “Road trip!”) at pag may pera, madaling mag-impulse buy especially if it’s a CD or DVD.

I guess what it all boils down to is this: I take responsibility for my actions—especially if they impact on others—very seriously.

And now, I must rest. All this thinking is giving me a headache.

Shirley You Must Be Kidding….

No I’m not. And my name isn’t Shirley.

This is one bitchin’ album. The Remix Album: Diamonds Are Forever contains Shirley Bassey classics such as “(Where Do I Begin) Love Story,” “Diamonds Are Forever,” and “Goldfinger” remixed by such acts as Propellerheads, Groove Armada, and Kenny Dope. Yes, the songs are the ones your parents listened to, but with a modern spin, they’re given a new lease in life. Yes, the album is uneven, but it’s a rare find here in Tower or MusicOne or (good luck sa iyo!) Odyssey. So if you find one, grab it immediately, go to the listening station, and decide right there and then. It may not resurface anymore.

Snippets Of Wednesday

I’ve been playing the E-heads the whole day. Gosh, na-miss ko pala sila! And even my officemate was reminiscing as she sang along to the songs.

*****

One movie I’m sooo looking forward to watch is Brokeback Mountain, an Ang Lee love story starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger as 1960s cowboys in love. Yes, cowboys in love. Gosh, I just had a nose bleed typing that. Excuse me while I clean up my work station.

*****

Wow, iba na ang bagong battery. My Nokia was fully charged last Saturday. Today lang nabawasan ng two bars ang battery charge niya; may lima pang bars na natitira. Bago pa kasi eh.

*****

Shit. Three nights ago, when I got out of the car to open the gates to our house, I looked up and saw an amazing sight: a glowing ring around a bright, full moon. It was eerie and amazing at the same time. After parking I rushed to get my digital camera to take a picture. Despite being zoomed out to maximum, the camera’s lens couldn’t capture the whole ring; it was that wide. I looked at the monitor after taking the shot; the ring was very visible.

Today after uploading the image into the computer, I noticed that the image was a lot darker and the ring not visible. Buwi-shet! Sayang naman.

Next time, gagamit ako ng flash. Charing.

*****

Outside the Mini-Stop located at our building, my cellphone rang; it was Marlon. “Name me a fast Eurythmics song,” he said.

“Fast? Uhm, Love Is A Stranger?” I replied.

“How does that go?”

I sang the first line of the song. “Ay, hindi yan. Ano pa?” he said.

“When you say fast, do you consider Sweet Dreams as fast?” I asked.

“Hindi rin Sweet Dreams. Ano pa?”

I remembered this song, a late-80s Eurythmics favorite of mine wherein they ditched their electronic sound and switched to guitars, drums, and a rocked-out Annie Lennox. “How about Would I Lie To You?” I said.

“How does that go?”

So I sang the first few lines of the song. The guard at the doorway was looking at me strangely. Marlon eventually recognized the song; he started singing along with me: “Would I lie to you honey? / Now did I say something that wasn’t true…” Yes! That’s it!” he exclaimed. Then I heard him speak to someone beside him, “Lara, Would I Lie To You! Yes!” Then he spoke to me again. “Ayan, makakatulog na si Lara.”

Yup, that’s me. Music library to my friends, Mister McJukebox himself.

Revisions

Sabi ko na nga ba eh! I should have listened to the Eraserheads songs first before deciding what my Top 5 song was going to be.

So when I got home I immediately listened to the songs Kama Supra, Torpedo and Spolarium. That’s when I realized I forgot to consider the songs Kaliwete and Alapaap! Shet.

Well, after giving much thought and deliberation, I’ve revised my “E-Lists.” There are changes in the Top 5 songs and I’ve switch rankings in the Top 5 albums. Now I have greater respect for the lists that the staff at Entertainment Weekly magazine routinely churn out. It’s not easy to make lists pala!

Top 5 Episodes from Season 1

I’ve ranked the top 5 episodes from The McVie Show Season 1, and here they are:

[5]
Andalotofzshuzshu
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
This funny episode traces the origins of the vhakluhr-speak term andalotofzshuzshu. It actually features Ms. Pilar Pilapil, veteran actress and former senator-wannabe.

[4]
Game KNB?
Thursday, May 20, 2004
This episode is about the onboard game we played in Cebu Pacific on the flight back from Bohol when we visited the province a month after my dad died. It features an Air Supply song and a word which should never be uttered over the public address system of an airplane in flight.

[3]
Nights Of Serafina
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Joey Gosengfiao’s classic cinematic campfest is featured in this episode best described as: “Ganda!”

[2]
Driving Me Daisy
Friday, January 23, 3004
It’s about my parents, my ambition, and me at the backseat of our car. It has laughter in it, but this episode isn’t really supposed to be funny.

And the top episode is:
[1]
Inherit This!
Thursday, January 22, 2004
It is an eerie premonition of my dad’s death. It also crystallized how I felt about my dad during that time, a feeling that now is moot and academic. But I’m glad I felt that way before he died. Again, not a funny episode.

You can either click on the re-runs of The McVie Show Season 1, or you can wait for the re-run of the top 5 episodes here in the next few days.

I noticed that the top three episodes were in the first weeks of January 2004, the start of The McVie Show. I guess I really liked the first few things I’ve placed on the show. Now all I’m doing is trying to match the initial burst of writing.

E-Lists

January 20, 2004: The McVie Show Season One debuted on-line. Shit, has it been a year already? My, how time flies when you’re having fun. To celebrate the anniversary, I give you… a list! Yes folks, I’ll start coming up with The McVie Top 5, a personal listing of… well, stuff. Whatever.

To start, I decided to list my Top 5 Eraserhead songs. Why the E-heads? Why not? I got that idea in the office when, upon hearing the song “Hari Ng Sablay” by Sugarfree on the radio, an officemate of mine said, “Huy, yan yung bagong kanta ni Ely Buendia!” Hello?

Anyway, here’s McVie’s Top 5 Eraserhead songs:

[5] (tie) Alapaap (from the album “Circus”) and Torpedo (from the album “Cutterpillow”)
The first song, a trippy ode to getting high, is subversive because the E-heads make it sound so much fun and appealing. No wonder the prudes were freaked out when this song came out. Meanwhile, the E-heads’ ode to ka-torpehan is a joyful romp to listen to. Never condescending, the boys maintain a playful but aggressive attitude throughout the song. Yes, it’s dated (“Puwede ba umalis ka na / tumutunog na ang beeper ko”), but that just increases its appeal. By the time one reaches the sing-along-y “choo-roo-choo-choo!” part in the end, one can’t help but be won over. Being socially inept never sounded this appealing.

[4] Hey Jay (from the album “Circus”)
Of course, obvious ba? One of the very few gay-friendly, gay-positive songs to ever come out from a local band. When I first heard it, I could not believe my ears. When I reached the part where they go, “Be happy and be gay / we still love you anyway,” I had tears in my eyes (which I quickly wiped off.) It’s the best antidote to the song Multong Bakla.

[3] Overdrive (from the album “Cutterpillow”)
The E-heads hit this one right on the head: the longing of most Pinoy male teenagers to drive. Simple in structure, the song brings listeners to heights of silly excesses—“magda-drive ako hanggang buwan”—but brings them back down to earth with the heartfelt longing of “please, please lang, turuan mo akong mag-drive!” His desire to drive is matched only by his extreme travel destinations! And the super-extended ending escalates the silliness factor of the song with a run-down of increasingly bizarre food names and word-play. Hilarious!

[2] Ang Huling El Bimbo (from the album “Cutterpillow”)
The song that introduced Paraluman to a whole new generation, it never fails to evoke a longing for simpler times (even if one never sees the music video of the song.) Instantly catchy, the song transforms from wistful remembrances to a tragic tale of lost love and innocence. So when the somber notes of “El bimbo” finally close the song, one also feels a sense of loss and ending.

[1] Para Sa Masa (from the album “Sticker Happy”)
This is a masterpiece of pop tweaking. Disguised as a pop ballad, the song starts simply with a plaintive piano. What begins as an ode to the masses turns into both an indictment and an apology. One can hear the disappointment, even anger, in Ely’s voice as he spits out the words “sa lahat ng di marunong bumasa / sa lahat ng fans ni Sharon Cuneta.” It is a double-edged elegy, one that bites the hand that feeds the band. For a pop song, that’s a tightrope act that’s hard to top.

Based on the songs above, you can already guess the number one Eraserheads album of mine. Oh heck, might as well give you the McVie Top 5 Eraserhead albums:

[5] Natin99


[4] Ultraelectromagneticpop!


[3] Sticker Happy


[2] Circus


[1] Cutterpillow


Saka na ang explanation. Nakakapagod pala mag-explain! Plus, I need to get back to work, hehehe.

Here’s Another One

I’m not really a fan of Diether, but this pic is just sooo cute! It’s my wallpaper for the moment.

Pre-Op Blues

After lunch last Saturday, I accompanied my aunt and my mom to St. Vincent’s Hospital in Marikina where my aunt was to have her cataracts removed. The operation was scheduled at 2pm; we were told to look for the doctor’s secretary an hour before surgery.

When we got to the doctor’s clinic in the said hospital, his secretary was out; instead, another woman was inside, with a yaya and a child in the inner room.

“Ay, kayo ba ang pasyente para ngayong two o’clock?” she asked. Yes, my aunt replied. “Kumain ba kayo ng lunch?” she asked again. My aunt said yes.

“Aba naku! Hindi puwede yan! Hindi dapat kayo kumain! Patay kang bata ka—hindi ba kayo nasabihan? Hindi ba kayo nakinig sa doktor?” She went on and on in a rant.

My mom and aunt were just quiet. I could see my mom’s face hardened.

She continued to rant. “Dapat hindi kayo kumain pagkatapos ng breakfast! Kahit inom, bawal! Lunok-laway lang puwede. Kasi pag inooperahan ka na, puwedeng mag-vomit ka’t mamatay sa iyong kinain. Naku, may kakilala ako, ganoon siya namatay! Blah… blah… blah…!”

Then the secretary came in. “Ayan na siya!” She addressed the secretary. “Huy, kumain siya, hindi yan puwedeng operahan, kailangan i-reschedule…blah…blah…blah…!”

The secretary addressed my aunt: “Hini hma khayo nhashamihan hni ndoc?”

Oh my god, she’s ngo-ngo.

My aunt looked at my mom, who looked back at her then at the secretary. I had to translate: “Auntie, nasabihan ka ba raw ni Doc?”

“Hindi,” my aunt answered.

The other woman repeated her rant: “Naku, bawal nga yan! Puwede kayong mamatay!” The secretary interrupted: “Shhh, ‘wag mo naman takutin siya.”

Fast-forward: the secretary was able to get in touch with the doctor, who requested that the operation be moved back to 5pm. By that time too Miss Blabbermouth herself had to leave along with the yaya and the baby.

When the door closed, my mom who was quiet the whole time asked the secretary: “Sino ba yun?”

I spoke up, not hiding the anger in my voice: “Hindi siya marunong mag-handle ng mga customers. Hindi ko gusto ang tabas ng kanyang dila. Bastos siya. Konti na lang, nasigawan ko na siya.” I said this in a steady tone, with venom in my voice.

The secretary answered, “Ndenthishtha mpo sha ndithoh.”

“Pakialam ko kung dentista siya. Hindi tama yung ginawa niya,” I snapped.

The secretary was speechless; clearly, she couldn’t defend the other woman. She just said to my aunt, “Halina po kayo, i-a-admit ko na kayo.”

Later on, after my aunt was already admitted and we had all calmed down, the secretary tried to apologize for the other woman’s behavior. She didn’t mean to scare my aunt, she said. She just got carried away.

My mom spoke. “Okey na yun. Hindi ko lang gusto kasi yung pananalita niya, eh sino ba siya.”

“Akshuhwaly, shishther koh hyun.”

Eep! Her sister?!

She continued to apologize for her sister; she grabbed my arm, making lambing to win me over since I was the angriest among us.

I wanted to get her off me; her speech defect was already grating to my ear. “Okey na yun. Wala na yun,” I told her.

The day after, I told my mom, “Next time ha, sa St. Luke’s clinic ni Doc na lang tayo, ha?” She just nodded her head.

McContest

Quick! Anyone who can give me the wittiest, funniest, bitchiest caption to this picture of Piolo Pascual and Jericho Rosales wins a prize!

Re-vision

When my aunt was given a Nokia phone by her younger brother two years ago, she blithely dismissed it as unnecessary. So last December when we were in Bohol we sat her down to finally teach her how to use it. That’s when she admitted—her eyesight had already deteriorated and she cannot read what was on the phone. In fact, anything beyond five feet in front of her is a blur. But she never wanted to bother anyone with her condition, so she kept it all to herself.

So we brought her over to Manila. Last Saturday the cataracts in both her eyes were taken out. They looked like two very thick fish scales. Ugh!

Now she can read signs across the street. She still has to stay for two more months in Manila, because they need to check if her diabetes had affected her eyesight too.

But she hasn’t revised her decision to not use a cellphone. Its usefulness is something she still cannot see.

Hello!

I just got me a new phone unit, a Nokia 1100. Yes, a cheapie-cheapie one and a Nokia to boot. I wanted a Sony Ericsson, but the cheaper units were beyond the budget I allotted for it. I just wanted a small, no-fuss, tossable phone with no swiveling or moving parts, a unit which will not cause me heartbreak if stolen.

Last year when my office phone was swiped, I reported the matter immediately to our admin. They were able to replace the lost SIM with a new one (still using my old office number), but they balked at replacing the phone unit. I had to buy my own.

I got the new SIM two weeks ago. I wanted to go to Greenhills to buy a second-hand phone but never had the time. Then at a cellphone shop near the office I saw a brand new Nokia 1100 for only a little over 3k. Puwede na.

The saleslady was excited to show me the exciting feature of the Nokia 1100—it has a built-in flashlight.

Wow.

I’m so excited.

At least now that my official calls/texts will be separated from the personal ones, my personal bill will drop down back to less than a thousand pesos.

Hearts Attack

Oh my god, I just saw a Happy Valentine’s TV commercial from Close-Up!

More than Christmas, Valentine’s is the holiday which elicits ambivalent feelings from me. I have been single all my life, so I’ve never had a chance to celebrate that day with a “special someone.” Yeah right, like the guy’s a retard. But there’ll be a wave, nay, a tsunami of ads with hearts leading up to Feb. 14. It’ll be a vicious hearts attack; often those ads make me feel like I should just stay in bed on that day.

Back in grade school our teachers at an all-boys catholic school had us make Valentine’s cards to our parents. At a certain grade level they stopped, maybe out of fear we might start giving cards to our fellow classmates instead. Since then I’ve never given a Valentine’s card to anyone. Hallmark must not like me that much.

Last year we single “girls” opted to have a group date on that day to stave off any “woe-is-me-I-don’t-have-a-date-this-Valentine’s” feelings. We planned to go to Malate and make fun of people wearing red. Well, it turned out to be an, ahem, eventful night for all four of us. The couplings which started that day have since dissolved even before 2004 ended.

This year I might just stick with making fun of people in red. Or… I could be magnanimous and mature about the incoming Day of Flowers, Chocolates, and Crowded Motels.

I think I’ll just give my mom a Valentine’s card on that day.

Advanced Happy Valentine’s to all!

A Singular Theory

I’m sure you’ve heard this story before: just when a single person finally accepts his/her state and is prepared to live a life of singleness, that’s when God/Fate/Lady Luck throws someone along his/her way and they become hitched for life. I’m sure you know of at least one person to whom that has happened. I know I can name two of my friends: Nelz and Andrew. Nelz is now living with Norm in Canada; Andrew finally has a girlfriend.

Because of people like them, there exists a theory: “The moment one is at peace with being single, that’s when one meets the other person whom he/she will spend the rest of their life with.”

Nice, hopeful little theory, right?

Well.

It does not apply to everyone, of course. Definitely it doesn’t work for me. And I now have a theory why that particular theory doesn’t work for me.

Ready?

It doesn’t work for me because I’m too self-aware.

Get it? I’m too self-aware.

Alright, let me explain.

The theory is based on the assumption that what you don’t expect to happen will in fact happen. For a single person who is prepared to be single for the rest of his life, the last thing he’s expecting is to meet someone and fall in love with him. Which is precisely what happens, thus fulfilling the theory. See Nelz and Andrew for Exhibit A.

However, when one is self-aware, one knows that the moment he accepts his singleness, the last thing he’s expecting (to hook up with another person) will happen. Because he knows that, he can now expect to hook up with another person. Because he can now expect to hook up, it won’t happen. See me for Exhibit B.

That is why too much self-awareness is detrimental to a love life. And by writing this episode, I may have condemned myself to several singular lifetimes—if we go the Buddhist way.

So never mess around with God/Fate/Lady Luck’s bullshit meter.

Beef Prosperity

Lousy name study, great spicy-saucy sandwich. Yummmm-eee!

McDonald’s latest promo offering is a hamburger that’s smothered with this peppery sauce and lots of chopped onions, very spicy indeed. Eh I looove spicy food! I remember the sauce very well; they used it for their Pepper Burger (or was it Pepper-steak Burger, I’m not sure now) which they offered a few years ago. I mourned a bit when they finished with the promo offering.

Now the burger is back, reincarnated as Ronald’s Chinese New Year offering. The burger underwent a karmic evolution too: longer beef patty, additional onions in the sauce. Grabe, nakakadalawa ako in one sitting! This’ll be the cause of the widening of my midriff! Aero, be my savior!

Weekend Wagi

The weekend started out with me going to Bed on Friday and bumping into Patrick. He’s a friend of Kervs who was with us last year in Malate’s street party; we even helped him pick up this date of his in Q.C. It was embarrassing—he remembered my name but I didn’t his. The whole time we were talking I couldn’t say his name. Old age at Alzheimer’s disease na ito! Worse, he asked me to save his number in my cellphone. So I ended up with a number and a question mark for a name. I had to call Kervs the next morning just to get his name. Sheesh.

Saturday afternoon I watched Kung Fu Hustle. I am such a huge fan of Stephen Chow. I watch any of his movies that I chance upon on cable. He’s not as over-the-top manic as Jim Carrey, but he’s got the silliness of Buster Keaton with the heart of Charlie Chaplin. Kung Fu Hustle has many inspired silliness going for it, even when the CGI threatens to push it over the top (his chase scene with the landlady got me giggling uncontrollably and saying to myself over and over: “This is the silliest thing ever!”)

That night I decided to go to Government for a change. This is the second time I’ve been to Government (the first was last Wednesday for the launch of Icon magazine), but the first time on a Saturday. My, my, my. The Government crowd is more adult, more moneyed and in general more behaved. There seemed to be less overt flirting going on as compared to its Malate counterpart. Or maybe there is, but the people there are more subtle. Then again, older people tend to be more stable or more attached or more jaded, and therefore less, uhm, driven? pressured? desperate? to hook up—for the night or for a longer period.

Then again, that’s just one evening’s observation. Memo to me: must do more research. Hehehe. Anybody want to be my research assistant?

Sunday I watched Ocean’s Twelve. There were, for me, inspired moments of giddy fun (the yoga-dance number while avoiding the laser lights, the Julia Roberts as Tess playing Julia Roberts), and the cast and director were obviously enjoying themselves—too much, I think. They were entertaining themselves, not the audience. And the main twist that solves everything was such a deus ex machina. The biggest con act of Ocean’s Twelve is getting us to shell out money to watch it.

Ayan, may bar review na, may movie review pa!

GKNB Above The Clouds

On the Cebu Pacific flight back from Bohol, the on-board game played was "Name the title of the song." At first I was determined to ignore the game. The first song the flight steward sang: "Only youuuu...!" Several hands immediately shot up.

For the second song, the stewardess sang: "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?"

Ah, Part Of Your World from The Little Mermaid soundtrack, I immediately said to myself. But wait. How come no one is raising their hand?

Stewardess: "Don't you think my collection's complete?"

Aba, wala pa ring tumataas ng kanilang kamay! Hindi ba nila alam itong kanta'ng 'to? Already I heard mutterings from the other passengers: "Hindi ba sa Little Mermaid yan?"

Shit. Wala pa ring tumataas ng kamay.

Stewardess: "Don't you think I'm the girl, the girl who has--! Yes sir, over there by the back!"

I had to raise my hand. The other flight steward walked towards me and asked me my answer.

Me: "Part of your world."

And the stewardess went: "And the answer is, Little Mermaid"!

What?! I immediately chimed in: "'Part of your world' is the title of the song. That song is in the animated Disney film Little Mermaid."

To her credit, she immediately corrected herself: "Ah yes, that's correct pala."

So now I own a Cebu Pacific bag.

More Pictures

Meanwhile more pictures are posted in The McView Point. Check them out.

Dazed and Praning

I’m swamped and overwhelmed with work. I’ve been walking dazed in the office this past week. Last night my writer started calling me the walking dead. Turns out our department’s workload has been piling up steadily for the past few weeks starting last December, and when I got back it looked like a killer tsunami bearing down on us. This work wave will continue to swamp us until the middle of February, so by that time expect me to be in ICU.

Man oh man, that’s why I’m guarding my weekends more jealously than ever, because that’ll be the only time I’ll have for myself.

Meanwhile, yesterday morning I woke up to hear a strange man’s voice outside my window. Turns out he was a policeman being toured by my mom around our house. Sometime in the early morning someone broke into our house. He first tried to steal stuff from my mom’s room by prying open the window and reaching in to grab hold of whatever item he could steal; fortunately for us, no expensive stuff was within reach. Then he went around to our kitchen, broke the door lock, and got as far as our living room. He rifled through some small containers, boxes which look like they may contain jewelry (luckily again they were empty.) He didn’t attempt to steal any big appliance (our 27-inch TV would have been too heavy, and the DVD player is too conspicuous), and he passed over our DVDs (including the special extended edition of The Return of the King—thank god he has no f**king idea just how precious that is to us!) My brother was worried that the burglar didn’t steal anything; why go through all that trouble to destroy our kitchen door lock and not steal anything? My theory is that he heard a noise and left in a hurry.

Anyway there are now new double locks installed in our doors. That means a new set of keys for me; I still have to have duplicates made. Before I’d leave my car in the garage locked but with the alarm off; now I switch the alarm on. We also replaced existing lights outside with brighter wattage.

Meanwhile, I warned everyone at home to keep an eye out for people who may be hanging out in front of our house for no reason. They may be staking us out, taking note of our movements. They might decide to hit us when there’s no one at home.

Nakaka-praning, pero mabuti nang handa. You’ll never know.

A Message

I agree with you. You don’t deserve to be treated that way by your ex or by anyone else for that matter. However, I also don’t deserve to be dragged into what is essentially a matter between the two of you. Keep me out of it.

I Can Bear This

Na-curious naman ako ng over with a test that Phillip took, so I said to myself: Patulan na nga.

Well! Here’s the result:


Gay Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Enough said.

Obvious ba? I didn’t really need to take the test after all.

(To the question “What is playing on your stereo?” I answered “Abba.” I think that clinched it.)

Break-Up Breakdown

My song for the week is by the Pet Shop Boys. One of the first things I did upon returning to Manila was to listen to my CDs. This song is from their album Please.

When I first heard Love Is A Catastrophe, I thought, wow, how perceptive their insights were. But since it’s been a looooo– (take a deep breath) –ooooo– (another deep breath) –oooong time since I’ve last experienced this deep pain that comes with a bad break-up, I just filed it away in my mental jukebox.

For some strange reason when I listened to the album again after arriving from Bohol, something stirred in me while this song was playing. Was it sadness? Was it regret? Was it loneliness? Was it just gas? Whatever it was, this song kept playing in my head the past few days. Especially the following words: so naïve / To think I could believe / In love as the kindest law / not as a declaration of war.

Love is a catastrophe
Look what it’s done to me
Brought me down here so low
stranded, nowhere to go

No concentration
just rerunning conversation
Trying to understand
how I fell into this quicksand

What happens next?
With life I’m unimpressed
Pain like a cutter’s knife
Never been lonelier in my life

Who issued the instruction
for this mad act of destruction?
An end to equilibrium
Fate laughs:
“Look what we’ve done to him!”

High wind through the trees
Falling November leaves
A weak sun hanging low
Summer seems so long ago

All my former dreams
tender romantic schemes
revealed as so naive
To think I could believe
In love as the kindest law
not as a declaration of war
on my life and sanity
Now I know at last for me
love is a catastrophe

Another break-up song from the same album that keeps playing in my inner jukebox is I Get Along:

I’ve been trying not to cry
when I’m in the public eye
Stuck here with the shame
and taking
my share of the blame
while making
sudden plans that don’t include you

I get along, get along
without you very well
I get along very well

Ewan ko ba kung bakit break-up ang mode ko, eh wala naman akong jowa ever. Hindi rin naman ako Almodovar-esque: a “woman on the edge of a nervous breakdown.” Maybe I was just too relaxed; maybe all my angsts are now ganging up on me, saying, “How dare you take a vacation from us?!”

Whatever.

Hello, Lucien

I know I’m jumping the gun on Leigh, but she’s very much preoccupied these days, and—to be perfectly honest—I wanna be the first to post his first picture online!


Say hi to the latest addition to the Capricorn party celebrants—baby Lucien, a.k.a. The Fetus Formerly Known As Belly, or TFFKAB.


And here’s Madonna and child. “You must be my lucky star…!”

His birth had some complications, which is why Leigh’s taking it easy. I’m sure she’ll one day talk about it in her blog, so I leave that to her.

Meanwhile, Lucien’s tita McVie is worrying about his new role. Lucien will need a father figure, eh hindi naman ako “Papa-bol”. Oh no!

I Saw The Signs

Take note the theme for the retreat of the Cebu and Mactan Korean Church in Bohol Plaza Hotel.


How very Imeldific the sentiment.


Eh pagtingin ko sa loob wala namang hunks! Laos.


Lead singer of Gans & Rosis.


Cebu does not like ABS-CBN stars!


The people in this Bohol resort are an ungrateful bunch…

…and they are not safety-conscious too.


Kawawa naman yung items; damaged na, penalized pa.

Hay, Bohol

This is the island province of Bohol. Time seems to move slower there. Most of the people there live unhurried lives. They drive slowly too; beside them, I’m Michael Schumacher.


My mom grew up in this house in Bilar, Bohol. It was constructed in 1952 when her parents decided to put up a house of their own. It was only renovated last 2000 to modernize the toilets, kitchen and dining room areas. But the basic structure was left intact.


I persuaded my mom to go to Bohol because I wanted her to relax; she’s been a hypochondriac of late. I too wanted a real vacation—I brought along two books because I wanted to just relax, relax, relax.

And relax I did!

I’m Back-la!

(sings) “And so I’m back / from outer space!”

It is a bit overwhelming to be back at work after almost 2 weeks away. I dreaded opening my inbox, knowing that there’ll be a tsunami of email over the holiday season. Thank god I was able to breeze through them within an hour. But there are those still to be answered.

I’ve started to post pictures in The McView Point. I’m busy catching up with work; I hope to finish posting them before Friday. I shall also be posting some of them here in the show.

Hay, wish ko lang hindi na kailangang magtrabaho ang tao!

Buh-bye, Bo-hoo-hoo-hol!

Tomorrow we fly back to Manila. While part of me is looking forward to the familiar (Hello Orlando, I missed you! Hello my bed, I missed you too! Hello Club Bath, hahahaha!) another part of me wishes I don’t have to go back to work. Or else just find a new job. Oh, the work is fine. We just have an officemate whom everyone hates, and now that she’s flexing her muscles in her power-tripping bid to be Miss I’m-So-Indispensable, the work atmosphere in the office isn’t exactly chipper of late. That is what I’m so not looking forward to.

Still, I’m pretty sure when I get back into the groove of things with work, I’ll start enjoying myself again despite of Miss Office Bitch.

At the very least, I can start uploading all these pictures I took! Wheeee!

Flying to Bohol, they sang Christmas songs during the in-flight game in Cebu Pacific. Now that the season is over, I wonder if they’ll be singing songs that have the words “crash” and “fall” and “drowning” in them. I am so wishing they would.

So goodbye for now, Bohol! Goodbye to the province where there’s a videoke machine in every resort (punyeta, at bakit ang laging may hawak ng mikropono ay yung sintunado na’t malakas pang bumirit?!), slow drivers, slow service (I’ve since come to accept this; I think it has something to do with the slow pace of life here), and… no hada! Anubayan?! It’ll take a longer stay for me to figure out where the gay action is in Bohol.

Where are the pink tarsiers when you need them?!

Birthday Boy

He was the one who introduced the sewing machine to Tanghalang Ateneo.

He was the only one blessed to witness Candy Gonzalez in a rare display of self-awareness: “Marlon, ang pangit ko.”

He was Jaypee’s creative director when he copy-checked his Tender Care brochure and found the classic phrase: “It is a must to have!”

He used to hitch a ride with me home. Now he owns more and better vehicles than me.

He is the only friend I know who aborted his suicide attempt because, after seeing all the blood on the bathroom tiles, he realized what an unaesthetic sight it was.

He is the only one I know who has all of Aaron Kwok’s CDs.

He is the only friend I know who owns a farm. (Yup, you could say “Marlon has bought the farm.”)

He was the maestro exemplar in Basic Advertising’s AdSchool. Now he’s doing the same thing in U.P. Fine Arts. The state never had it so good.

He is the missing element of style in E.B. White’s seminal handbook.

Happy birthday, Marlon!

(Heck, today better be your birthday. I know too many Capricorns, I keep mixing your birthdates.)

Having A Blast

Happy new year, everybody!

I missed the fireworks in Makati. But celebrating New Year in Bohol is still a blast. It’s great to get away from it all. I’m getting 9-10 hrs of sleep a day. I get to drive around Bohol (my uncle lends us his L-300 or his car to get around), and I’m now so acquainted with the roads here I swear I could be a licensed tour guide if I wanted to. We get to visit resorts. We get to relax and do nothing but read and (for me) take lots of pictures. I really love Nik, his lens isn’t up to par with my (sniff) stolen Olympus but his portability and multitude of features more than make up for it. Actually it’s his portability I love the best; he fits easily in my pocket and I can whip it out anytime and click! click! and there you go. The Olympus was a lot heavier, more unwieldy. But boy, he took great shots. Aaargh, one month has passed and I still haven’t gotten completely over my stolen digicam! Heck, I didn’t mourn this long when my dad died! Then again, I never paid a big amount for my dad! Ngyek, lagyan ba ng presyo si Daddy?!

Went to have dinner at Trudis’ Place in Panglao island. It’s a small restaurant that caters to mostly foreign visitors; their servings are huge. Trust me, they’re huge. We ordered a bowl of soup each; they gave us a kaldero—each! Okay, I exaggerate, but it sure felt like it.

Panglao island is like Boracay and Puerto Galera with less people so it’s a lot more peaceful and relaxing. Less hada potential, but I suspect most of the people who go there have partners already. You wanna hook someone, you go to Boracay or Puerto Galera. Then when you have someone, you two take a vacation in Bohol. That way, there’ll be no temptations for either you or your partner. (Laguna-based people, take note! Hihihihihi!) Being away is great for me—I think I’m finally getting back my inner bitch. Actually, she never left, but she was cranky the past few months. Nowadays she just wants to be bitchy-happy.

My brother and sister are flying back tomorrow; my mom, my aunt and I will fly back on the 8th. I’ve already finished one book; I’m now plowing through another. I may need to buy a third just in case. Meanwhile, I’ve bought a notebook and pen. I’ll be writing down some episodes by long-hand (oooh, how positively primitive!) as well as designing several houses all over the province (I already “built” a grand mansion in this particular lot in our town; I’m now “building” a beach house in Panglao as well as another rest house on a hill my dad’s family owns. Yes, they actually own a hill; not quite as big as one of the Chocolate Hills, but still a hill. We want to call it “Eddie’s Hill” in honor of my uncle.)

After observing the local menfolk here, I now also blame my provincial genes for my being vertically-challenged. Gosh, Boholanos are short!

Still, it’s a great province. It’s my province, and I love it!