A Singular Theory

I’m sure you’ve heard this story before: just when a single person finally accepts his/her state and is prepared to live a life of singleness, that’s when God/Fate/Lady Luck throws someone along his/her way and they become hitched for life. I’m sure you know of at least one person to whom that has happened. I know I can name two of my friends: Nelz and Andrew. Nelz is now living with Norm in Canada; Andrew finally has a girlfriend.

Because of people like them, there exists a theory: “The moment one is at peace with being single, that’s when one meets the other person whom he/she will spend the rest of their life with.”

Nice, hopeful little theory, right?

Well.

It does not apply to everyone, of course. Definitely it doesn’t work for me. And I now have a theory why that particular theory doesn’t work for me.

Ready?

It doesn’t work for me because I’m too self-aware.

Get it? I’m too self-aware.

Alright, let me explain.

The theory is based on the assumption that what you don’t expect to happen will in fact happen. For a single person who is prepared to be single for the rest of his life, the last thing he’s expecting is to meet someone and fall in love with him. Which is precisely what happens, thus fulfilling the theory. See Nelz and Andrew for Exhibit A.

However, when one is self-aware, one knows that the moment he accepts his singleness, the last thing he’s expecting (to hook up with another person) will happen. Because he knows that, he can now expect to hook up with another person. Because he can now expect to hook up, it won’t happen. See me for Exhibit B.

That is why too much self-awareness is detrimental to a love life. And by writing this episode, I may have condemned myself to several singular lifetimes—if we go the Buddhist way.

So never mess around with God/Fate/Lady Luck’s bullshit meter.