Morning Musings With Mama

This morning on my way to work, my mom hitched a ride with me. She was going to visit my dad’s grave. We got to talking about my brother’s impending wedding.

My mom said the girl’s mom had agreed to a Catholic wedding as well as a Protestant wedding. Our future in-law even suggested that the Methodist rites will be very simple; it’s okay for her to make the Catholic rites the more lavish one. My mom, of course, has another thing in mind—let the Methodist rites be the bongga one, ours will be austere. In my mind I was going, “Why not both be simple?”

My mom sighed. “Hay naku, what has your brother gotten himself into?”

That’s when I let loose my mouth with my thoughts on the whole thing:
• If they’re getting married to ensure the unborn baby’s rights, the law no protects the rights of both legitimate children and those born out of wedlock. So marriage isn’t a necessity.
• Just because they love each other doesn’t mean they have to end up married. Love is not enough reason to marry. There are many factors to consider first before two people decide to do the “‘til death do us part” vow.
• A big factor to consider the “marriageability” of a couple is if they share most, if not all, of their core values. A difference in core values doesn’t necessarily mean marriage is impossible; it just means there’s more work for the two. Religious beliefs are part of a person’s core values. The fact that neither is willing to convert to the other’s religion means that there is a difference in their core values.
• For a relationship to work, compromises will have to be made. For example, the two may not convert, but they have to agree as to how they’ll raise their children: Catholic? Methodist? Agnostic? Both? Is the last one possible?
• My brother and his girlfriend should be able to decide how they want their child to be raised. Their decision may not sit well with the grandparents of the child, but tough luck to the lolo and lolas. Of course, that’s easier said than done. Will my brother and his girl have the balls to go against their parents’ wishes? Will the grandparents allow their children to decide on the kind of upbringing their future grandchild will get?

All this time my mom kept quiet.

We were near the gates of Loyola cemetery. I was about to say in conclusion, “That’s why at 38 yrs old I’m not married yet” but I bit my tongue. (Yeah, right. Pretend to have marriage issues to mask the fact that I’m gay, hahaha.) My mom said, “Drop me off at the gate, I’m buying flowers first.”

Before she got out, she sighed. “Hay naku. Only your brother can answer those questions you raised.” Hay naku indeed.

But then I thought: two of us are already married—my older brother and our youngest sister. Both marriages seem to be working fine. At first I was skeptical that my sister’s wedding will last, but I guess our parents’ marriage proved to be the best example for my brother and sister.

Who knows, this marriage might just work? It’ll need hard work, luck and grace from above. But with God watching over them in two ways, one Roman Catholic, the other Methodist, then I hope the two will be twice blessed.

Otherwise there’ll be hell to pay, twice over!