Playing With Myself

Err, with my hair, I mean. The way Ipe cut my hair, I now can play around with it. I can scrunch it to bring out the natural curls, tease it up for that Emilio Aguinaldo look, or brush it flat forward for some bangs. For 38 years I never really played around with my hair. Oh sure, back in the 80s I tried to achieve that curlicue look perfected by El Debarge, Prince in Purple Rain and Wacko Jacko circa Bad. but unfortunately I got too obsessive-compulsive and impatient, so I’d cut my hair before it could grow an appropriate length. But now with my new hair, I’m having fun playing with it.

Just when I’m about to hit 40, I’m suddenly hair-conscious. Thank god I don’t have falling hair. My officemate was right—this is midlife crisis: What will I do to my hair today?

*****

Today I spent the whole day at a seminar. Tomorrow will be the same. The company is spending a lot training their middle managers. On the one hand it’s great to be able to go to these things: aside from learning a lot, I get free breakfast, lunch and merienda to boot. On the other hand, I’m finding out more and more the reason why I’m hesitant to wear the cap of manager: it means I should start to care. Care calls for commitment. Commitment calls for attachment. Attachment makes it harder to detach.

*****

Finally, a reminder to myself:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.