You Live, You Learn

June 2004 is about to end. The year is halfway over already. Time flies when you’re having… whatever. What new learning do I have to show for the past six months?

[1] I need my personal space. This need is as much physical as it is emotional.

I realized this one day when I woke up beside Kervs with a lower backache. We shared his bed with a huge cylindrical pillow (one of those “hotdog” pillows) and so I had to sleep mostly still the whole time. Normally I toss and turn several times when I sleep. I go through several positions—on my stomach, fetal, flat on my back, on my right/left side. That process actually relieves the pressure off my lower back (especially the curled position, as I read in a recent medical article in the newspapers.)

What does this mean? If I’m to sleep with someone every night, either we share a king or (more appropriately) queen-sized bed or we have our own individual beds.

(Of course I had no way to know this beforehand. So now Kervs and I know better. That “hotdog” pillow has got to be pushed aside. There can only be one more hotdog in his bed, and that’s mine, mwhehehe... kidding!)

[2] I want an escape hatch, an exit plan, an eject button. Don’t box me in, don’t clip my wings. I hate being pushed to a corner. Don’t give me “you must” but rather “you may.”

My personal space is huge. It is my emotional and spiritual comfort zone, and I am wary of trespassers and land-grabbers. Anyone who imposes land reform on my comfort zone is courting resistance from this hacieñdera.

What’s the way to my heartland? I shouldn’t feel pressured. Allow me to make it my decision, my choice.

But.

I must also learn to consciously challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone. Face my fears, court discomfort deliberately. Take chances.

[3] I have my social life, my sexual life, my personal life. Soon I will need to put more attention on my spiritual life. When you see me staring off into space or admiring nature, it’s me attempting to connect with the Infinite.