Straight And Secure

Thank goodness for some of my straight friends, like:

[1] Ron – he thinks he’s God’s gift to women and gays, but he doesn’t rub people the wrong way. At least, people with a healthy sense of humor about themselves, that is. When we first met at the college theater group, he assumed I would have a crush on him. Actually I did but the moment I realized he assumed it, the feeling vanished immediately. He’s married with two kids now, yet whenever he sees me in public (especially after not seeing each other for a long time) he will not hesitate to hug me then give me a kiss on the cheek. Then he’ll proceed to fondle me in public. One time he succeeded in kissing me on the lips in front of his laughing wife. I swear he makes me nervous, not the other way around.

[2] Joseph – he’s actually a Ron-wannabe. He’s a good friend and batchmate of Ron, and when he found out that I didn’t have a crush on Ron, he assumed I’d fall for him. Again, because of that I was turned off immediately. He was the crush-ng-bayan for a while, until another batchmate, Voltaire, came along. Nowadays his hair is thinning, and he has a daddy-pouch. But despite being married and having a kid, he never fails to end his text messages to me with: “Salamat, kaibigan. Talagang mahal mo nga ako!” I cringe every time he does that.

[3] Don – now here’s a man’s man. Even the guys in TA would never think of going against him, because he can outdo them in any physical challenge. This despite his, er, huge midsection. (Okay, so maybe he cannot out-run them, but the moment they stop, good luck to them!) But he will not think twice of enveloping me in a bear hug, lift me up, and twirl me around until I’m ready to throw up. I think that’s his version of macho love. Whatever. He also doesn’t discriminate: he’ll grab my balls just as he will a straight guy’s. I think that’s his version of shaking hands or something.

[4] Steven – I think he got jealous of guys like Ron who can get away with kissing another guy in public, so he started kissing all the gay guys he knew as a form of greeting. Of course that gave him an excuse to kiss all the girls too, which I think was his ulterior motive the whole time.

Looking at these guys, I realize that they’re very secure of who they are, especially with their sexuality. I also realize that they’re of a particular generation, several batches younger than me who are not as hung-up on gays, unlike many in my generation (or older).

So if you point out to one of them that he has a “gay trait” (for example, a certain swishy-ness in his gestures), he’ll just shrug and flaunt it even more. Vice versa, if you point out to me that I have a “straight trait” (for example, a fascination for cars and planes), will I huff and puff and argue on what a “straight trait” is, tautologically-speaking? Nope, I just say: That’s my butch side. Then I smile and drive off on my SUV.