Guessing Game

(SFX: applause from studio audience)

Ola, mga cheeeeeekos y chikaaaaaaas! Ang aking mga palanggas, muy dearest Daniel/la, Jake at Dr. No, at sa mga kung sinetch-sinetch pang mga former classmates of mine na nanonood ng The McVie Show! Ito po ang onyong lingkod, Joella McVee! Ask-to-death po kayo sa akin kung sinetch ang mga crushes ko daw nung estudyante blues pa kami. Crushes ko daw o! Puwes, mag-blind items tayo, okey?

Talasan ang mga memories all alone in the moonlight ninyo, at tingnan natin kung ma-gets niyo ang mga papa-bols ng ating beloved alma-Moreno-Concepcion-mater natin. Umpisahan sa grade school!

(switch to ingglesera mode)

[1] He was a batch ahead of us, a varsity volleyball player. He had the most gorgeous dark brown skin, a well-developed chest (even at grade six), and tree-trunk thighs. Swoon-fest on the volleyball court! He has a younger brother who’s our batchmate. Clue: and the walls come crumbling down.

[2] Okay, this one was a classmate; I only remembered now because he was with our class for only a number of years. He was one of the first guys I know who worked out on a regular basis. He took pride in the number of push-ups he could do. And he had one of the tightest butts of the batch! Clue: think church.

O, let’s do high school! (sings: High school! High school! Bo bigh school, banana-fana-fo figh school….)

Surprisingly, I didn’t really find many Sibolistas “crush-able” because when I get too close to them, they become “off-limits.” Of all of them, I only had a crush on three.

[3] The first one is no surprise to you guys. As they say, bite the bullet.

[4] The next one is also a Sibolista and a batch lower than ours. But here’s the thing—he’s not a hunk at all. In fact, he’s a nerd and gentle in demeanor. You know, with eyeglasses and all. Clue: think flute.

[5] The third one is a bit complicated: his appeal to me is purely physical, almost animalistic. But I was very wary of him to the point of being terrified. Maybe because if he paid much attention to me, he’ll find out I was sexually attracted to him. Clue: think armpits.

(switches back to showbiz reporter mode)

O ayan, mga friendsters! Divah gusto n’yo na mag-ispiyuk akesh? Puwes, ispiyuk-to-death akesh tungkol sa aking crushes-sez! Sige nga, tingnan natin kung sharp ang inyong mga TV! Hula na!

Per DTI-NCR Permit number 69, series of 2004!